Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Litany Against Fear

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
Dune, by Frank Herbert

Despite its truly nerdy source I really love the above quote.

As emotions Fear and its mustachioed-twin-brother Doubt don't seem dangerous. In fact, they seem quite the opposite - they really only crop up when your body is trying to keep you safe.

Fear and doubt may be sentries protecting you, but they are also the persistent voices that kill dreams through a thousand cuts. Your doubts will sabotage your career, your fears will prevent you from achieving greatness. If you let them.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Pesky Nature of Right and Wrong in Art

As a child I took pride in being a good student. I was quiet when the teacher spoke, I raised my hand at every question, and I aced every test. Not so surprisingly, I've discovered there is little advantage to being a teacher's pet in the real world, in fact it can be diametrically opposed to the goal of being an actor.

My first-grade teacher Mr. Rice had a fantastic classroom management tool - a series of pockets and green/yellow/red cards. Each student had their own pocket on the wall, and each pocket had three cards. If you misbehaved in some fashion, the top card was pulled and placed behind the others. If you got a yellow card it was a big deal, and only the worst of the worst, those kids destined to become rapists and murderers, would ever end up with a red card.

Well one day, self-satisfied about something or other, I yammered on too long and I got a yellow card. I was shocked, resentful even. How dare Mr. Rice accuse me of wrong doing?! Surly and confrontational, later in the class I spoke out of turn... repeatedly. Mr. Rice approached the board; my breath stopped. His hand traced over the pockets; my pulse quickened. He eventually landed on mine; something caught in my throat. He grasped the yellow card, lifted it out of its slot, and placed it behind the green card (already in the back). Staring back at me, for all the class to see, was a red card. In that instant my entire world went topsy turvy. I was no longer a good kid, I was a bad kid. I choked back tears.

I spent the rest of class staring forlornly at my coloring book. I hoped that if I seemed sullen enough in my use of finger crayons, Mr. Rice would see the error of his ways and restore me to my position of honor by replacing my green card to the front of its pocket.

Despite my aggressive guilt-tripping tactics, Mr. Rice did not cave. I left that classroom feeling worse than I probably ever had. So bad in fact that as a grown man I still have clear enough visions of that day to write the above description. As childhood traumas go, this is not the stuff of a Dickens novel. That said, what it lacks in narrative punch it makes up for in revelation of character - you see, I'm not so different now from how I was in the first grade.

For whatever reason, I have a profound need to be good/right no matter the context. I constantly look to others for approval and validation. No semi-important decision is made without first consulting 10 friends, 4 strangers, and every how-to article to be found on the internet. But more important than being good/right is not being wrong/bad.

I know that if I just stopped caring about what others might think, and whether what I'm doing is correct, my acting would be much more alive. It would be more spontaneous, it would go places I didn't expect, and it might actually create a genuine unexpected emotional response. The thing is, I don't want to be bad, I don't want to be wrong. It terrifies me. So I play it safe, I make smart soulless acting choices. The work isn't great, but it isn't as bad as it could be, it's a warm puddle of mediocrity.

Very little great art occurs at the intersection of WantingToBeRight Road and TerrifiedOfBeingWrong Massive Fucking Highway. The solution seems simple enough, turn off the part of myself that needs to be good/not-wrong while performing and turn it back on after. The problem is, unless I strip it from myself part-and-parcel it will extend into my acting career as a whole. Bad actors who believe in themselves will be cast long before good actors plagued with self-doubt. The question I'm now asking myself is this:

Do I want this badly enough to work through the fear of being wrong? Or, do I want to stay safe and guarantee I'm never at risk of succeeding? In other words: Do I want to be an actor (and all that entails), or don't I?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Headshots: Now Retouched

Thanks for all of your input on my latest headshots. Based on your voting and some more specific notes I received via email, I've selected my top shots and retouched them in photoshop. Here they are:

Lab Technician
From JPEG

Criminal/Cop
From JPEG
Lawyer/Doctor
From JPEG
Disney Channel
From JPEG
Comedy
From JPEG
Commercial
From JPEG

Friday, September 11, 2009

New Headshots: Please Help Me Pick

I haven't really been submitting for auditions of late. None of my marketing materials match how I currently look. I lost about 10 lbs while abroad and my hair grew out quite a bit. Since we're still shooting The Around The World Project, I can't cut my hair or gain weight without creating continuity errors. So I booked a session with Begley & Clark and took some new headshots. I would really appreciate some help in selecting my best shot for three specific looks.

Please watch the slideshows below (or click to go to the galleries) and then select your favorites from the survey below.

Lab Tech / Young Professional: Imagine me working as the lab tech on CSI, as a young attorney, or as a doctor doing my residency at a hospital.


Comedic / Commercial: Can you see me on Scrubs? As the Dell Guy?


Dramatic: A guest star on Law & Order, I'm the guy trying to get away with murder.




Begley and Clark are both great guys and they are currently running a special. You can get 3 looks for just $150. The special runs through the end of September 2009.

"And God Created Great Whales" by Rinde Eckert

This evening I got an email from Prince inviting me to see a free theater production hosted by the USC theater department. When I read the word "free" I found myself extremely interested, but when I discovered that the piece was written by and starring Rinde Eckert my attendance was guaranteed.

I first discovered Eckert's work when he was an artist in residence at UC Davis. I was absolutely gob smacked by his performances of "Orpheus X" and "Fate & Spinoza".

An Introduction

Tonight's show, "And God Created Great Whales" dealt with many of the themes present in his other pieces: obsession, the muse, and great art as an escape from death. In “Whales,” Eckert wrestles with Herman Melville’s Moby Dick. It’s a dense and unforgiving tome and many films and operas have drowned themselves in its murky depths. I read Moby Dick for kicks in high school and hated it. In my book report, I described it as a 19th-century whaling instruction manual with a lot of homoerotic undertones. So I was curious to know what Eckert could possibly do with such a foundation.

Wisely, Eckert puts Moby Dick at the center of his story but ensures it isn’t what the story is about. It serves as a foil against which to place his protagonist: a piano tuner desperately trying to finish composing his operatic adaptation of “Moby Dick” before he loses the last shred of his memory to a brain-wasting disease.

“...You will forget many things. Eventually you will forget how to breathe. In effect, you will be drowning in your ignorance.”


An Inauspicious Beginning

The play starts with Eckert at the piano, head down, with a tape recorder hanging on thick rope from his neck. Frozen and barely conscious he taps out a delicate refrain on the piano, and then he plays it again, and again, and again.

Oh no. This is going to be one of those pieces. Eckert’s body is frozen except for the same few fingers caressing the keys. Wow, we’re going to be staring at his head for a long time. Then a shout from off-stage. Oh thank goodness, we can move on from these same 3 notes. Then a person wearing all black runs down the aisle. Is that a character? Lights flicker above. Mumbling and shouts from off-stage. The person in all black, making no effort to conceal their presence runs back through the house. Okay, so this show is going to be really Meta, all of life is a stage and we are but players, I get it.

Eckert is still frozen in time, bald head gleaming in the spotlight, the same notes are repeated. God this is repetitive. Couldn’t the director have directed? Then, a voice comes through the speakers “Excuse me folks, but we’re encountering some technical difficulties. We need 3 minutes to run a new light board up to the booth.” Eckert stops playing the piano, stands, and walks off stage. 10 minutes pass as stage hands frantically run-about trying to make the necessary technical fixes. The voice comes back on the PA “Okay, we’re ready to start. Please take your seats. Sorry about that.”

The lights come down and Eckert makes his way to the stage. The lights come up, he begins again. The first three notes are followed by a light cue, a spotlight, then a black out. The music changes. The lights come back up, we see a woman on stage, dressed in Red – The Muse. She says “Press Play.” Eckert’s character, as if discovering it for the first time sees the tape recorder on his neck and timidly presses play. Nothing happens. He presses again. Nothing happens. He takes out the tape, returns it, and presses play. Nothing happens. Still exploring, as a child might, he presses play and stop, and play. Nothing. Oh God, it really is one of those plays, the audience sighs collectively. At this moment, Eckert looks up and drops the character. “Alright, we’re going to stop here. There seems to be some sort of technical gremlin at work, and they invariably come in bunches.” Crazed theater techs run into the house, and bumble about like a bad Marx Brothers routine.


A Consummate Professional

Eckert, a consummate professional, spent the next 15 minutes entertaining the audience. He was funny, warm, and seemed largely unaffected by the technical shitstorm that was raining on his performance. He told stories of past technical foibles so painful to watch that at one performance, a member of the band Cream ran up to Eckert at intermission to hug him and say that he was doing “A really good job considering the circumstances.” When his war stories were exhausted and techs were balancing precariously on a ladder just to his left, he joked “Well, I suppose we could do the talk back before the show.” Instead, he staged an impromptu classical recital – the repairs took so long he eventually took requests. “Mozart!” shouted the college kid with the AC/DC t-shirt. Finally, when the technical issues were resolved, he settled back into character: head down at the piano, fingers on the keys.


The Show

The performance was stunning and definitely not one of those shows. The singing by both actors was both powerful and nuanced. There were moments of genuine theatrical magic between Eckert and his Muse. Using nothing more than a piece of dowel and body movement they created an entire ship on a vast ocean doing battle with a monstrous whale. The piano tuner’s descent into infancy was tragic, made doubly so by the passion with which he fought to complete his masterpiece before his disease robbed him of his capacity to do so.

The Talk Back & Origin Story

After the show, Rinde took questions from the audience. His answers were eloquent and roaming, flitting from topic to topic, inspiration to inspiration. Eckert is brilliant man; a polymath with a palpable love of ideas and great desire to share that amorous curiosity with the world. When asked, he shared the origin of the story:

Eckert’s grandmother, an incredibly talented pianist and organist was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease and slowly slipped away from the world. He saw the abject terror she experienced when she didn’t recognize her family who were looking to her with such great expectation. It was here that he started to think of memory as something precious. Memory is something powerful; it frees us to create amazing works. It is also something we use constantly and take for granted. It is both mythic and mundane.

For those living in the 1800s, the whale was similarly impressive yet common. It was an astounding creature, revered in bourgeois society, something which most would never see. At the same time, whale oil was used in lamps, baleen in combs, and the rest of the creature in sundry banal endeavors. The whale is both mythic and mundane.

Eckert’s view is that Moby Dick is a story about more than obsession; otherwise it would be a historical footnote. Instead, he says, it is about our search for the divine borne of our understanding that we are not whole. Ahab must chase the whale, and the piano tuner must write his opera, and even though the end for both is nigh, through their bold pursuit they might both achieve some modicum of grace.


Performance Information

"And God Created Great Whales" is playing TONIGHT:
Thursday, September 10, 2009; Friday, September 11, 2009 : 7:00pm

24th Street Theatre
1117 W. 24th Street, Los Angeles


Admission is free.

If you are in Los Angeles: go see this show.