You've Been Paid? You Are A Professional!

A blogging buddy of mine recently posted about her first big gig as a professional artist. She was gob smacked by the amount she was being paid. She then wrote the following line in reference to her website to promote her art:

The website will host all my “professional” (I had to put that in quotes because I feel like a douche using the word without them) work and clients can access which photos they want to purchase directly the site.

The following is a copy of my response to her post, adapted to suit an actor:

Dear Actor,

Congratulations on your paid acting gig! You are officially a professional actor, and you should not feel like a "douche" when describing yourself as such.

Clearly, you do work of a professional caliber. Others recognize this and are willing to pay you for it. But more important than others believing you should be paid for your work, is you believing you deserve to be paid for your work. Until you can believe that, you will be hesitant to offer your services as a *professional* actor. Just because the status is new doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

Again, dear Actor, you are now a professional. You deliver professional-quality performances because you are a paid professional. You deserve to be compensated handsomely for your efforts, as any professional would be.

Here’s to great success in your endeavors and that this is the first of many such gigs! Best,

Donovan

Your work is only worth as much as you can convince someone else to pay you for it. If you can't even convince yourself you're a professional, what hope do you have of someone else seeing that value? The most important step towards a successful acting career is having a powerful champion of your work in your corner, someone who truly believes your work is good and that you deserve to be paid for it, that person is YOU.

Near Panic Attack Over Sitting Up Straight - Really? REALLY?

A few weeks ago I nearly had a panic attack during acting class because I was asked to sit up straight. Ok, it was a little more complicated than that, but somaticaly good posture is all that was requested.

Why was it so upsetting? What did that sitting up business represent?

Many of the introductory games in improv classes deal with status. My favorite involves the ultimate status competition: The High School Reunion. Everyone is dealt a card which sight unseen they place facing out on their foreheads. The players then begin to interact with each other based on the face value of the cards they see on other folks foreheads. Aces attract large crowds of admirers, while 2's and 3's end up as wall flowers along the periphery. Not unlike life.

From an audience perspective the most fun occurs when a character perceives their status to be significantly higher or lower than what is specified on their card. They move through life in a state of confusion, no one behaves in the manner they expect.

At some point in my life, I decided that the best way to attract women was to have a fantastic set of neuroses and insecurities. Women want projects and gosh darnit I was going to be a fixer upper. It seemed to work well for Woodie Allen in his films, so how could it go wrong for me? In my mind's eye I'm a 35ish, underweight, balding, funny-looking Jewish guy with poor eye-sight. In that improv game, I'm a 3 or a 4 of clubs taking cheap shots at the prom king from the sidelines.

I go through a lot of my life as that man, with all the emotional walls, bad posture, self-deprecating jokes, and accompanying existential crises. I even managed to attract a number of fantastic girlfriends (all of whom needed glasses and I imagine resented my glasses envy) - so the plan can't be wholly flawed.

So why a panic attack about sitting up straight? Asking me to sit up straight was asking me to look at the card on my forehead and live up to it. I was being asked to own all six feet of my height, all 20/20 of my vision, and worst of all - 100% of my opinions. As a self-perceived slouching outsider, it was easy - you can say anything you want without fear of conflict if your opinion isn't worth anything.

For better or worse the card I've been dealt lands somewhere closer to an Ace than a Deuce. That's what the camera sees, that's what casting sees, and that's what I'll be asked to play. It's about time I sat up straight and played my hand.

I Finally Passed Groundlings Level II!

I hadn't failed a class since my wannabe stoner phase in middle school. Then I enrolled in Groundlings Level II. I first took it with Kevin Kirkpatrick and was asked to repeat it. Then I took it with Karen Maruyama, and she asked me to repeat it again. 13 weeks ago, I enrolled in Groundlings Level II for a third time, again with Karen.

I am a person who has little tolerance for failure. I'm the worst version of myself when I'm in a situation where I am being asked to do something I don't know how to do. I get very easily frustrated, I loudly crack bad jokes (yes louder and less funny than usual), I pout, and I get short with other people.

If stuck in an uncomfortable situation for a long period of time, I go catatonic. I shroud myself in a hooded sweatshirt, cross my legs over themselves about 8 times and hug myself while slouching severely to one side - in my efforts to disappear I look more conspicuous than a day-glow Unabomber.

Halfway through the last class of the session I was absolutely convinced I had not passed, that I was destined be a Groundlings washout. I was bound and determined to go cry in the bathroom so that it wouldn't slip out in class, but somehow I managed to keep myself together, and got to see my classmates do some fantastic and hilarious work.

Which is why I'm so happy and surprised to announce: I've finally passed Groundlings Level II!

Thankfully I'm in good company: Jennifer Coolidge had to repeat Groundlings Basic three times before she was advanced to Level II, and she did terrible spacework just like me!

Next project: get ready for Groundlings Lab, we're only allowed one crack at it.

Meta project: start to believe in my abilities as an actor, even if it takes hypnotism or overt self-delusion; this doubt is undermining everything I'm pursuing.