Advice for Beginning Actors

I received an email from a mother asking for advice for her 18yo son who is about to embark on an acting career. Here is my response:

I might not be the best person to ask as I'm no longer pursuing acting as a career, and a tenet I try to follow is: only take advice from people who already have what you want or who have been where you're planning to go. That said:

1. Figure out why you want to act, and stay true to that. If you want to act because it's fun - then be wary of doing anything that robs you of that joy.
2. Develop a skill other than acting that you can use to pay the bills through flexible part-time employment. This is critical to self-esteem, and does not hem in your liberty as you might suspect but actually frees you to pursue your dream. Harrison Ford was one heck of a carpenter and Jeremy Renner flips houses. I made a living doing animation, education consulting, and tech support - all incredibly flexible, and paid well enough that my "day jobs" never took up more than 20hrs a week.
3. Develop fiscal responsibility *now* - put together an emergency fund (3-6mo living expenses), contribute 10%+ of all of your income to a retirement account - if you think being a starving artist is tough, try being a starving septuagenarian with no job prospects. Again, this will free you to pursue your acting career. Money worries are all consuming and will totally sap energies you would otherwise be directing to your career. Also, getting rich doesn't solve money problems it magnifies them; so get your head on straight now.
4. Seek out mentors personally (sorry Mom) and listen to them. Have an acting hero? Write them a letter telling them what you most respect about them, and ask them a single specific question.
5. Seek out like-minded artists: find other actors, directors, writers. Spend time with them. At all costs avoid: cynical types with no drive. You won't notice it as it happens, but they will bring you down. You are the average of your five closest friends. Once you have this network of artists, help them in any way you can without compromising yourself.
6. Spend a year in one of the big markets, if you're 18 and can pass for younger you are very castable. Find out what you don't know; it'll be a lot. Then GO TO COLLEGE and ask questions, lots of them. If you can stand it, get a minor or second degree that will help you out with that side-job. After that, go back to one of the big markets and try again.
7. Self-produce. There is no one who cares enough about your success to do the work for you; you have to make your own opportunities. It's great that you want to write and make comics. Story -> comic -> screenplay is one of the primary movie generation pathways these days.
8. Work as an actor whenever you can. You have a lot to learn. Even crappy student productions will teach you patience and humility - these are important skills. Background work is helpful in that it demystifies being on-set. Do it long enough to work out the jitters but leave before the cynicism of the other background actors poisons you.
9. Do not ever allow someone to belittle you, you are a human being with inherent worth.
10. Be a professional. Show up early (being late once is enough to kill your career's momentum). Be prepared. Do your work. Don't be a distraction.
11. Be respectful. There is not a person on set who cannot teach you something if you actually take the time to listen. Crew members love film/theater more than you could ever hope to - learn their names, learn about their lives, and give them the thanks they deserve.
12. Find an accountability buddy. I have a friend I call once a week for a career strategy session. We set goals and provide accountability. We text each other every single day to ensure we're on track. This person cannot be a flake. They must be driven and you must respect them, otherwise the system doesn't work. When you are only responsible to yourself, you won't accomplish much. You can move mountains if you believe that just one other person cares whether you do it or not.
13. There is no shortage of people happy to separate a fool from his money. If someone is promising you a silver bullet that will land you an agent, get you a job, or a make you a star: they are liars and cheats (even if they don't realize it); walk quickly in the other direction. Listen to the advice of people who have achieved what you want to, the good ones are happy to give it for free.
14. See plays, watch movies, get out of your house/apartment. Ain't nothin' gonna happen unless you go out in the world and interact with people.
15. An acting career is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be times where your light shines brightly, and others where your agent seems to be avoiding your calls. Do those things that feed your artist and keep you excited about the craft. Do readings with friends, stage impromptu shows in your living room, shoot stupid web videos. Know that things will get better.
16. As an actor you are a small business (folks like Will Smith are their own private industries) - dedicate office hours to the business end of your career. Every day M-F you should be spending 30+min on marketing and career strategy. This is on top of any work you're putting into your craft (and you should be doing that regularly too).
17. Live your life. You'll spend years waiting for your big break and for your life to "finally begin". Don't wait. Take that vacation (that you've saved for), do exciting things, learn as much as you possibly can about the world and its inhabitants. Do something that scares you (even if it's just saying hello to that cute girl/guy) every day.

If you've found this helpful, please do me a favor and pay it forward. My buddy JP is producing a one man show (see #5, #7, #8, #15) and is raising funds so that he can share it with audiences across the country. You can contribute to his kickstarter campaign (no amount is too small) here: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/johnpaulkarliak/making-mamas-proud-the-2011-donna-madonna-tour

The Key To Productivity: Hate Your Work

I've only got 3 months until my August 1st, 2010 acting in Los Angeles "deadline". Realizing this, I entered a panic about what I have be doing with my time, and how I can maximize my remaining 3 months. I called up an old friend and lamented my slackerdom, begging for an explanation of how she avoids the siren song of the internet and instead burns the candle at both ends for months at a stretch. I've taken some liberties and translated her response into a credo of sorts:

Play your inner critic on full-blast. Allow yourself to believe that you're not good enough, that you're not doing enough, that you're falling behind. Live in a constant state of terror that everything you are doing will be laughed at and denigrated unless you work harder.

Given her laundry list of accomplishments, I knew it was an effective technique. But it was upsetting to think a person would do that to themselves. I didn't know if had it in me to live that way for the next 3 months.

So, for a different perspective, I called my productivity buddy Ilana and whined about my looming deadline and lack of work ethic. She cautioned me, saying "You can't set deadlines for success in an acting career, you don't deal those cards." To which I replied, "I know, I just don't feel like I'm working hard enough, and what I'm doing isn't good enough, I'm only:

• Attending weekly classes with Richard Seyd.
• Attending bi-monthly workshops at The Winner's Circle.
• Keeping up my improv chops at bi-monthly Groundlings classes.
• Going to 2+ Casting Director workshops each month.
• Co-Producing and Directing a short film that shoots in one week.
• Filming scenes from Donovan And The Vast Ancient Conspiracy.
• Rehearsing for and acting in a staged reading of a new play.
• Meeting bi-weekly for 3+hrs to write a screenplay for a feature film with my buddy Zak.
• Writing comedic monologues.
• Taking weekly voice lessons.
• Spending 30min/day 5 days a wk on craft (lines, cold reading practice, etc).
• Spending 30min/day 5 days a wk on marketing (mailers, thank you cards, submissions)."

And then I thought: Wait... that's actually a lot.

And then painfully I realized: That incredibly self-critical way of being that I wouldn't wish upon anyone... apparently I'm already living it, and have been for some time. I had no sense of how much I was doing because I was so good at telling myself it wasn't enough.

Self-criticism is a dangerously effective motivational tool, it can drive us to do superhuman amounts of work at our highest standard. However, it comes at a price: no matter how much we do, no matter how good our work, we'll never be able to fully appreciate our accomplishments; least of all while we're working towards them.

How To Know What You Really Want To Do

I've got a lot of friends who go through life not knowing what they want to do. They go from job to job, relationship to relationship, party to party, and while they do have fun they often feel unfulfilled. I think this happens to folks (myself included) because we don't have a clear sense of purpose. Clarity of purpose can redefine a person's life.

But finding a purpose, let alone being clear about it, is easier said than done. I was talking with someone who suggested this test:

Imagine that money is no longer an issue. You've just won hundreds of millions of dollars in a lottery. What do you do?

The answer to that question will tell you a lot about what is truly important to you. You may not have millions in the bank, but how can you start living a life that is closer to that imagined ideal? You don't have to wait.

Life Experience vs Acting Class

I've often said that a person who wants to be an actor would be better served by taking a cooking class than taking an acting class. Not because acting classes aren't valuable, but because increasing the breadth and depth of your life experience will have a much greater impact on the quality of your work than learning any particular technique. The difference in my work before and after my trip around the world is stupidly obvious. Good acting is less an invention from thin air than it is a reshuffling of self. Depending on the role: you play up certain parts of your personality and experience and you sublimate others. The more that's happened to you, the more you've felt, the more of yourself you've used to get through life, the greater your palette.

If any of what I've just written holds water, after this week is over I'm going to be a motherfucking artistic genius.

One of my great personal role models died earlier this week. She was a beautiful, kind, caring, and giving woman. The world is a little darker without her.

Two days later I was party to a decision making process that sent an 18 year old kid (and murderer) to prison for the rest of his life. If he's lucky he'll be 70 when he next tastes freedom. Good news: I believe the system can work. Bad news: We might have failed as a society.

Oh, and I learned to make latkes.

No doubt, when I someday play Hamlet, audiences will be riveted by my performance. Not because of my brilliant descent into madness, but because at some level they'll sense: at any moment this goy could start grating and frying potatoes. Oh vey!

Near Panic Attack Over Sitting Up Straight - Really? REALLY?

A few weeks ago I nearly had a panic attack during acting class because I was asked to sit up straight. Ok, it was a little more complicated than that, but somaticaly good posture is all that was requested.

Why was it so upsetting? What did that sitting up business represent?

Many of the introductory games in improv classes deal with status. My favorite involves the ultimate status competition: The High School Reunion. Everyone is dealt a card which sight unseen they place facing out on their foreheads. The players then begin to interact with each other based on the face value of the cards they see on other folks foreheads. Aces attract large crowds of admirers, while 2's and 3's end up as wall flowers along the periphery. Not unlike life.

From an audience perspective the most fun occurs when a character perceives their status to be significantly higher or lower than what is specified on their card. They move through life in a state of confusion, no one behaves in the manner they expect.

At some point in my life, I decided that the best way to attract women was to have a fantastic set of neuroses and insecurities. Women want projects and gosh darnit I was going to be a fixer upper. It seemed to work well for Woodie Allen in his films, so how could it go wrong for me? In my mind's eye I'm a 35ish, underweight, balding, funny-looking Jewish guy with poor eye-sight. In that improv game, I'm a 3 or a 4 of clubs taking cheap shots at the prom king from the sidelines.

I go through a lot of my life as that man, with all the emotional walls, bad posture, self-deprecating jokes, and accompanying existential crises. I even managed to attract a number of fantastic girlfriends (all of whom needed glasses and I imagine resented my glasses envy) - so the plan can't be wholly flawed.

So why a panic attack about sitting up straight? Asking me to sit up straight was asking me to look at the card on my forehead and live up to it. I was being asked to own all six feet of my height, all 20/20 of my vision, and worst of all - 100% of my opinions. As a self-perceived slouching outsider, it was easy - you can say anything you want without fear of conflict if your opinion isn't worth anything.

For better or worse the card I've been dealt lands somewhere closer to an Ace than a Deuce. That's what the camera sees, that's what casting sees, and that's what I'll be asked to play. It's about time I sat up straight and played my hand.

A Snapshot of My Life Right Now

Taking a page from my buddy Sokrates' book, I'm going to fulfill my bloggerly duties in the simplest way possible, a list of what's going on with me.

• I'm Now A Day Laborer: In an effort to beef up my wallet (and butch up my image) I'm now doing construction work with a college buddy of mine. The pay isn't great, but the fringe benefits are awesome: watching the sun rise, working outside, and coming home tired knowing that I've earned my keep on this planet.
• Groundlings: I just received my mid-term written evaluation in Groundlings Level II, it said some good things about my characters, and then it shouted "GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!" Note taken.
• Seydways: My ongoing scene study class is going well. I'm currently working on open-hearted communication. That and trying to cultivate more leading man appropriate qualities in my work.
• Headshots: I just picked up my shots from Reproductions. The focus might be a touch soft, but a bird in the hand and all that.
• Target List: I've assembled a list of the shows and Casting Directors I want to target. I'll be signing up for Casting Director workshops shortly.
• Around The World: I'm picking up some more Producer duties on the project. I've been getting unsolicited positive feedback from friends about the first episode and I'm excited for our last few days of shooting.
• The Winners Circle: I auditioned for and was accepted into a non-dues-paying actors group. It's sort of like The Actor's Network but free and with more performance opportunities. I'm excited.
• Self-Produced Series: My PeeWee Herman meets Bill Nye The Science Guy show concept is shifting, in what I think is a positive direction. It's time to write some episodes already.
• B-Side: I've been working on a redesign of the B-Side Radio website, and if I may say so, it's looking awesome. I'll be posting links once it goes live.
• Cooking: I recently baked a peach pie, an apple crisp, and will soon be baking a pear tart. I'm super excited to use the recipe from the Cook's Illustrated Cookbook my sister gave me for my b-day.

I have a fair amount of stuff going on in my life, and I'm happier for it. Thanks for indulging me in what was essentially a mental dump, I'll be posting more of what you're used to once I acclimate to my new schedule.

What a Baguette Taught Me About Being Human

If a falling piano can take your life in an instant of cartoon irony, can't you also begin to live in an instant?

Yes, we are the sum total of our past experiences and our future expectations, hopes, and dreams. But we are also the people we choose to be moment to moment. People will often state character flaws as immutable, and thus forgivable, aspects of their being. "I'm a selfish person." No you're not, or at least you don't have to be.

The beginning of the end of one of my romantic relationships was marked by what my friends know as "The Bread Incident". I was hosting a dinner party for some acting classmates in the Bay Area. I had the stump of a baguette in my hand which I was looking forward to eating. My then girlfriend asked for a bite, to which I replied "No." Let us say, because of my selfishness and insensitivity the rest of the evening did not go well.

I would like to say that days after our eventual breakup and some reflection I came to realize the error of my ways and was living as my new better self. I wasn't. I was the same selfish bread-hording person.

It wasn't until I was out to dinner with my family a few months later that I arrived at a moment of clarity. My mother asked for a bite of my meal and I replied "I ordered this because I want to eat it." My grandmother was apalled, and said to me with great disappointment "Donovan, Keiths share."

Mine is not a family with a strong sense of honor or connection to our ancestors. Sure there were stories, but they were mostly funny recollections of my Great Uncle Bug's many misadventures. The behavior expected of a Keith had been never codified for me until that moment. When my grandmother invoked family lineage and made clear that my behavior contradicted established norms, I was incredibly ashamed.

After her words hit me, a small aspect of my life turned on a dime. I decided that from then on I would make a point of sharing my food. It wasn't easy at first, and happened in stages. It started with me grudgingly giving bites when directly asked, to offering tastes of delicious meals, to my now taking great enjoyment in the preparation of food for others.

Breaking bread was sacred before the Atkins Diet deemed it a mortal sin. It's literally a life-giving act. From your reptile brain's perspective you are risking death by offering up the only food you may ever see again so that your companion may eat. In learning to share food, I learned more of what it is to be human.

I realize this is a behavior I should have mastered when I was five, and is nothing to be particularly proud of discovering so late in life. But it is evidence that people are capable of change, instantaneous significant change.

You can, right now, change a defining aspect of who you are. You can flip the switch from selfish to giving, from timid to confident, from careless to attentive. It simply takes the desire to change and an act of will to see it through.

Q: How many Psychologists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One. But the light bulb has to want to change.

There's No Excuse for Excuses

It is human nature to take the irreducible, slap a cute theory on it, and call it a day. We are absolutely cunning at maintaining the status quo through seductively reasonable excuses. Thing is: most of the excuses we give ourselves are hokum, but they seem true because we don't challenge them. They look like ducks, and they quack like ducks, so we never check to see if they taste good with plum sauce - which they assuredly do not.

The most recent example of this from my life is "I wouldn't be broke if I could just find some freelance work." Last week I had some project concepts approved and was given the go-ahead to put together some bids. A week later, no bids have been submitted, and I'm no closer to rectifying my finances. Why?

I haven't done the work. The premise of my problem was all off. I wasn't broke because I didn't have freelance projects, but because I wouldn't do the work even if a project sat itself in my lap. My finances begin and end with my willingness to persevere through the moments of prolonged discomfort that work and budgeting can bring about.

Lately, I'm discovering that despite my mental machinations, the buck does in fact stop with me. The reason I don't have an agent, is I haven't genuinely pursued one. The reason I'm not being cast is I'm not putting myself out there. The reason I don't have six pack abs is I haven't paid for them in sweat.

It's a scary thing to live life stripped of excuses and extenuating circumstances. Knowing it's all up to me, how do I move on? Am I capable of meaningful and lasting change? Or am I destined to become the same asshole I've always been, just wearing a different hat? I'm hoping it's the former, even though a new hat would be nice.

MJ, care to sing us out?

"I'm Gonna Make A Change,

For Once In My Life

It's Gonna Feel Real Good,

Gonna Make A Difference

Gonna Make It Right . . .

I'm Starting With The Man In

The Mirror

I'm Asking Him To Change

His Ways

And No Message Could Have

Been Any Clearer

If You Wanna Make The World

A Better Place

Take A Look At Yourself, And

Then Make A Change"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgtWIx2zLtk

The Pesky Nature of Right and Wrong in Art

As a child I took pride in being a good student. I was quiet when the teacher spoke, I raised my hand at every question, and I aced every test. Not so surprisingly, I've discovered there is little advantage to being a teacher's pet in the real world, in fact it can be diametrically opposed to the goal of being an actor.

My first-grade teacher Mr. Rice had a fantastic classroom management tool - a series of pockets and green/yellow/red cards. Each student had their own pocket on the wall, and each pocket had three cards. If you misbehaved in some fashion, the top card was pulled and placed behind the others. If you got a yellow card it was a big deal, and only the worst of the worst, those kids destined to become rapists and murderers, would ever end up with a red card.

Well one day, self-satisfied about something or other, I yammered on too long and I got a yellow card. I was shocked, resentful even. How dare Mr. Rice accuse me of wrong doing?! Surly and confrontational, later in the class I spoke out of turn... repeatedly. Mr. Rice approached the board; my breath stopped. His hand traced over the pockets; my pulse quickened. He eventually landed on mine; something caught in my throat. He grasped the yellow card, lifted it out of its slot, and placed it behind the green card (already in the back). Staring back at me, for all the class to see, was a red card. In that instant my entire world went topsy turvy. I was no longer a good kid, I was a bad kid. I choked back tears.

I spent the rest of class staring forlornly at my coloring book. I hoped that if I seemed sullen enough in my use of finger crayons, Mr. Rice would see the error of his ways and restore me to my position of honor by replacing my green card to the front of its pocket.

Despite my aggressive guilt-tripping tactics, Mr. Rice did not cave. I left that classroom feeling worse than I probably ever had. So bad in fact that as a grown man I still have clear enough visions of that day to write the above description. As childhood traumas go, this is not the stuff of a Dickens novel. That said, what it lacks in narrative punch it makes up for in revelation of character - you see, I'm not so different now from how I was in the first grade.

For whatever reason, I have a profound need to be good/right no matter the context. I constantly look to others for approval and validation. No semi-important decision is made without first consulting 10 friends, 4 strangers, and every how-to article to be found on the internet. But more important than being good/right is not being wrong/bad.

I know that if I just stopped caring about what others might think, and whether what I'm doing is correct, my acting would be much more alive. It would be more spontaneous, it would go places I didn't expect, and it might actually create a genuine unexpected emotional response. The thing is, I don't want to be bad, I don't want to be wrong. It terrifies me. So I play it safe, I make smart soulless acting choices. The work isn't great, but it isn't as bad as it could be, it's a warm puddle of mediocrity.

Very little great art occurs at the intersection of WantingToBeRight Road and TerrifiedOfBeingWrong Massive Fucking Highway. The solution seems simple enough, turn off the part of myself that needs to be good/not-wrong while performing and turn it back on after. The problem is, unless I strip it from myself part-and-parcel it will extend into my acting career as a whole. Bad actors who believe in themselves will be cast long before good actors plagued with self-doubt. The question I'm now asking myself is this:

Do I want this badly enough to work through the fear of being wrong? Or, do I want to stay safe and guarantee I'm never at risk of succeeding? In other words: Do I want to be an actor (and all that entails), or don't I?

Why Ticketmaster Should Get Coal for Christmas

[A Note To My Readers: The following is a rant. It contributes nothing meaningful or helpful about the world of acting. If you have no desire to see me flail about like a 4-year-old having a tantrum, by all means, skip this post.]

Tickmaster? More like Ticketbastard.

I just purchased tickets for the live staging of Paul Reuben's "The Pee-wee Herman Show". Tickets were only available through Ticketmaster. The crappiest seats in the theater were listed at $38.50. Already too much to spend, but $20 less than the orchestra seats, and well, I really want to see Pee-wee Herman live, so I ignored the financial angel on my shoulder and pulled out my debit card.

To find available tickets I had to click through each show date, choose the cheapest ticket, press a submit button, fill out a captcha (those human verification fields with the drunken letters), only to discover that there were no seats available for that date. I did this about 9 times before finding a seat in my price-range.

Five minutes of - filling out forms, confirming seats, being offered purchase insurance (because they don't issue refunds), refusing mailing lists, verifying my credit card twice, etc - later, I found myself at the order confirmation page:

The Pee-wee Herman Show
Full Price Ticket	US $38.50 x 1
Convenience Charge	US $5.00 x 1
Delivery (Will Call)	No Charge
Order Processing Fee	US $4.80
Total Charges	US $48.30

1. Convenience charge? Really? What was convenient about this experience? You are the only place selling tickets so in no way are you particularly convenient. In fact it would have been much more convenient for me to call a theater, talk to a person at the box office, and ask for the best available cheap seat. So no, I don't want to give you $5 for what was actually inconvenient.
2. No charge for will call? That's cool. Just don't be so proud about it. Just because you would have unreasonably charged me $5 for mailing me my tickets doesn't make you some kind of hero for doing the right thing.
3. Order processing fee? What minimum wage employee worked for a whole hour so that my order could be processed? Not a one. If that's what the credit card company is charging you to run my card, then eat the costs like any other company.

Now, if it actually costs TicketMaster $9.80 to cover costs for every ticket they sell then fine, list every ticket as $10 more. Then let the free market sort it out. I guarantee if there is another ticketing option available, people will go with that.

Don't make your customers jump through 10 minutes of searching for a show with available seats, 5 minutes of form-filling-out, to only then reveal your $10 bullshit charge on the very last screen. At this point your customer has invested so much time in the process that they'll submit to anything just so they can get their tickets and get on with their lives. That's not how you develop loyal customers - nope, that sort of behavior puts you on Santa's naughty list.

Two Years in Los Angeles (An Introduction)

August 1^st, 2009 marked my 2^nd anniversary in Los Angeles. When I first moved to LA it was with the understanding that I would stay for 3 years to pursue an acting career, even if I hated it. Two years after initially making that commitment, I find myself in a city that is far more creative, inspiring, and welcoming than I ever could have anticipated. For the first time in my life since childhood, I am friends with my neighbors. I have constructed what I feel is a genuinely good life. I am still committed to an acting career, although I certainly seem to have lost some of the blinding energy I possessed when I first arrived.

I have simultaneously accomplished far less than I expected and far more than I could have imagined (I’ve circumnavigated the globe!). Over the coming weeks I’ll be blogging about my progress in various domains, how I feel about it, and what I have learned that might be of use to actors considering a move to LA.

For now, I leave you with what I found to be a strikingly beautiful video of the 2nd largest aquarium in the world with music by Barcelona. When I was a kid my parents oft took me to Sea World, home of Shamoo. I would wander off on my own. Aparently my parents never got too worried because they always knew where to find me: the giant aquarium. That boy must be alive and well in me because I sat transfixed when I watched this video; it's as beautiful as the silver-shimmering giant tuna were when I was five. May it bring a moment of peace to your day…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7deClndzQw

Thanks to the talented and charming Louise On The Left for tipping me to this great video.

---EDIT---

My mother read the above post and sent me an emil to set the record straight on her parenting. Below is her (assuredly more accurate) version of events:

We had a seasons pass to Sea World, where you wanted to go almost every weekend. You were going on three when we moved to Hanford, so you were somewhere between the ages of beginning to walk and 2.5. Once you got in the aquarium, you completely forgot we existed, which was pretty amazing for a toddler. We always knew where you were...

How Modern Society Colors Our Sense of Self

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you've probably seen me mention TED a few times. It's like inspiration distilled and uploaded to the web. In the following video, Alain de Botton answers pretty directly the question from my last post: How do you define self-worth?

http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_philosophy_of_success.html

In his lecture, Alain de Botton makes some excellent points:

• In a democratic capitalistic society, we believe that we live in a meritocracy. Thus, those who deserve to succeed: succeed. Those who deserve to fail: fail. Except, that isn't really true. Chance plays just a large a role in the extremes of success/failure as does hard work/sloth.
• In the modern secular world, God/The Universe is no longer at the center of our society. Our station in life is no longer determined by The Gods, but instead by our actions. Thus our perception is that success is entirely our own, and so is failure. If you are solely responsible for what occurs in your life, it can seem far more tempting to shitcan it when things go wrong.
• We have lost our empathy for the unsuccessful. If they are unsuccessful, they must have deserved it. But read any tragic play and see that a hero, who is a good person and makes reasonable choices, still finds his/her life devolve into an utter pit of despair. Tragedies are important because they remind us of our humanity.

Whether my three summary points get this across or fail miserably (as I suspect), it's actually an optimistic and inspiring talk. Perspective is key to understanding. If you've got the time, it's worth watching.

How Do You Define Your Self Worth?

In the midst of an existential crisis, I asked a friend: Where does your sense of self-worth come from? He replied:

"I find my sense of self-worth is connected to whether I am fulfilling my purpose."

For better or worse, I feel like I measure my ego against the same philosphical yardstick.

Most actors have a strong sense of purpose related to their craft, but all too often they feel helpless to serve that purpose. They desperately want to act but often have no opportunity to do so - they aren't being cast, or they aren't getting called in, or they aren't being submitted, or they don't have an agent, and so on. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness.

I question the pertinency of these feelings. In response to my queries they give me the silent treatment and settle in for a good long stay. Since the doubts still come whether they're reasonable or not - do what you can to ease them. Whenever you can, however you can, cultivate opportunities to serve your purpose.

What is your purpose? Are you serving that purpose?

While these questions shouldn't necessarily be the bedrock of your self-esteem, knowing the answers can help you identify that feeling that gnaws at you and keeps you up nights.

How To Be Okay With Not Doing Everything

You want to do the following:

• Be great at your craft
• Be there for all of your friends in their time of need
• Be spontaneous and fun
• Earn a good living
• Own a home
• Stay up to date on all the current news
• Walk the dog
• Act
• Dance
• Sing
• Play the Ukulele
• Always be understanding
• Sleep 8+ hours a day
• Eat Right
• Exercise Regularly
• Read the great books
• Write a novel
• Inspire students
• Leave the world a better place
• Be a good girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife
• See theater
• Travel
• Be a good parent

It seems like it's possible. So you're trying to do it all right now... and you're failing miserably.

The thing is, you don't have to do it all right now. Life is long enough that you'll get to take a solid crack at most of those things on your list.

An Anecdote:

For her entire adult life, my paternal grandmother talked about wanting to read books for pleasure. But as a wife, mother, small-business-owner, association president, and caring friend she'd find herself too tired at the end of the day to do anything other than turn on the TV as she fell asleep.

A couple years ago, she moved from an assisted living community to a nursing home. Her husband and most of her friends were dead. Her children were grown and her grandchildren were scattered about the country. She was in a very dark place and I was afraid we were losing her.

Some time, a few months back my father gave her a book, "Chicken Soup For The Soul." For want of company and anything else to do, she began to read. A few days later, she asked for more books.

When I visit her now, her chest-of-drawers overflows with books. Dozens, most of them she's read twice or more ("Chicken Soup" and "Marley & Me" are among her favorites). Despite her surroundings she has reclaimed her joie de vivre.

So don't beat yourself up for giving up the rock band for the picket fence. Right now other things are probably more important. But who knows, you might get a second shot, this could be you someday...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZ4SIe5rVUM

Has LA Changed You? Or: Remembering Your Passions

Have you ever gone through your life, business as usual, only to have something shovel-smack you in the face and remind you that you have neglected what once was an important part of yourself?

This video, of a Camp Jitterbug Jump Session, did just that:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcsyUhZgcps

When I was living in the Bay Area, swing and blues dancing was an essential part of my life. I'd go out dancing 1 - 4 times a week. I'd practice steps at home. I even taught swing dancing as a Choice Day elective at East Bay Arts, hoping to spread some of the joy.

Then I moved to Los Angeles, and I stopped dancing. I went out a couple times, but it just wasn't the same. My friends weren't there, I'd have to drive too far, and alone. It didn't seem worth the effort. So I stopped trying.

Knowing my birthday was fast approaching, and unaware of my distance from dancing, a dear friend in the Bay Area plotted a gift. Despite an incredibly busy schedule, she started taking lindy hop classes so that we might spend more time together in my favorite environment: the dance hall. On the week of my birthday, I came up to visit her and my other friends. She took me out dancing. I was hesitant at first (Would I be any good, being so out of practice?), but eventually I gave in a had a fantastic evening. It was quite possibly the best gift I had ever received.

But a return to LA, meant a return to dancing apathy. When my friend would come to visit, she would propose an evening of swing dancing, but I never had the heart for it. "The drive's too long." "Eh, doesn't sound like fun." "I'm tired, how about we catch a movie?" I had become apathetic about something I truly loved, I let the city beat me into submission. In so doing, I failed myself, and I failed my friend.

I'm sometimes asked: Has LA changed you? To which I reply, "No I don't think so, I think I've done a pretty good job of holding on to who I am." Seeing this video, knowing I've neglected a part of myself and afraid I've hurt a very giving friend, I'm not so sure.

The Nature of Priorities

My friend and productivity buddy Ms. Moot emailed me this quote:

"You eventually learn that true priorities are like arms; if you think you have more than a couple, you're either lying or crazy."

I'm not sure who originally wrote it, but it certainly rings true.

What is a priority in your life? You say it's A, but why do X, Y, & Z always take precedence? A is not a priority in your life until it is what you do before X, Y, & Z. In fact, if it truly was a priority, you wouldn't think to do X, Y, & Z.

Wait! Before you go tearing your whole life apart to make A your priority, take stock of where your focus currently lies. If, when given the choice between working on your business (your "priority") and spending time with friends, you always opt to spend time with friends -- Perhaps friendship should be your "priority". It'll come a lot easier, you'll save yourself the mental anguish of "failing to meet your goals". In fact, I suspect you'll be a lot happier for it.

Why It's Okay Not To Be Right For a Part

A father saying about his daughter to her agent, "At this age, I don't think she has the emotional depth to play a kidnapping victim."

The agent in response, "That's a good thing, right?"

The father, "I'm glad you think so."

So all you actors out there, should you really be upset that you weren't cast as the one-eyed prostitute with a crack addiction and a heart of gold? You won't be able to play every part that you're the right age and height for, and that's okay.

I Desperately Need an Accountability Partner

This isn't so much an informative blog post as it is a plea for help. My life once again mirrors the not so nice elements of this post: endless TV, living off my tax-refund; the whole nine yards. I need a work-partner of sorts. I have rediscovered that when there is noone I am directly accountable to, I don't work.

You may be wondering how this whole accountability partner system works. Well it's really quite simple. Throughout the day the partners check in with each other at set times to discuss their respective work tasks and their progress towards completing them. These check-ins can occur in person, over the phone, via SMS, or instant messaging. The important thing is that both people are actively trying to use the system - if it's clear that one partner isn't working on their tasks or isn't motivated to check-in, it all falls apart.

Do you need an accountability partner in your life? If so, please contact me ASAP.

Get Your Ideas Out Into The World

A great short video on why it's important to get your ideas out into the world:

Objective: Volunteer. Obstacle: Massive Bureaucracy

I've been feeling a little down of late for any number of reasons, but mostly from lack of daily interaction with other human beings. I decided that I should do some volunteer work to get my people fix and help some folks out along the way. I went online and found a number of websites that direct you to various not-for-profit organizations that need volunteers. After my stint in China where I was functionally illiterate, I thought that a literacy assistance program would be a great place for me to volunteer my time.

I figured I would find a library or an adult school, offer my services, and show up during tutoring hours and read with folks. Instead I'm slowly marching through what feels like an endless sea of bureaucracy. Before I can actually volunteer my time I have to go through the following:

1. Find a volunteer opportunity.
   
2. Contact the organization.
   
3. Fill out online application.
   
4. Attend in-person training and evaluation.
   
5. Fill out a paper application.
   
6. Apply for background check.
   
7. Sign photo release.
   
8. Get TB test.
   
9. Fill out LAUSD volunteer application.
   
10. Get fingerprinted.
    
11. Wait 1-6 weeks for approval.
12. Contact service provider partner & setup an appointment.
    
13. Receive information packet regarding the SPP site.
    
14. Inform another agency of my intended volunteer schedule.
    
15. Await confirmation of schedule.
    
16. Attend first tutoring session.
    
17. Talk with lead teacher about goals and resources.
    
18. Begin Tutoring.
    
19. Attend additional ongoing training.
    
20. Log hours tutored and report to literacy organization on a monthly basis.

This is absurd. Absolutely absurd. It shouldn't take 18 steps before a person has the opportunity to help someone else out. This is a more convoluted process than a job application. I want to participate in a literacy program, and I will go through these steps to do so, but this is just beyond the pale.

Anyone out there have a lead on some good volunteer opportunities that don't involve quite so many hoops?

EDIT: Forgot to include that I also need two letters of recommendation. Seriously?!