Something Scary #2: Saying Hello to Strangers

What I'm Afraid Of:

When I was a teenager I was horribly embarrassed to be around my mother when she would start talking to strangers in line at the super market, or on the street, or at the coffee shop, in short: everywhere. These days I really admire my mom's ability to strike up a conversation, and wish that I could do it too. There's something about talking to strangers that I find absolutely terrifying. Possible reasons:

1. I was told never to talk to strangers as a child.
2. The stranger might ignore me.
3. The stranger might reject me.
4. The stranger might think I'm stupid.
5. The stranger and I may having nothing to talk about.
6. The stranger may never shut up once they get started.
7. The stranger will think I'm rude.
8. The stranger may feel physically threatened by me trying to initiate conversation and scream at the top of their lungs.
9. I might remind the stranger of a buddy from 'Nam, they'll enter into a PTSD episode and stab me to death while screaming "Why Johnny, why?!"

Clearly, some of my fears are more rational than others. But some variation on at least one of them is what prevents me from saying hello.

What I Did That Scared Me:

On my walk home from work today, I committed to saying hello to everyone that I passed. It went pretty well. "Hello" became "Howdy" which became "How's it going" which led to "Did you just say 'Friday Night Blues'? No? Oh, sorry, that's the name of a dance event I go to."

However, there were some people I didn't say hello to, namely anyone who wasn't looking in my direction when I was passing (Reasons: #7, #8). So, not a smashing success, but more often than not I felt the fear but acted anyway.

Something Scary #1 was: Asking a Girl Out to Coffee

Taking Risks in Life

I read a great profile on Jeremy Renner in "Men's Health" of all places. Here's an excerpt:

"If you don't know who you are, how the hell are you going to be able to...?" Renner leaves the thought unfinished, but it would be easy to fill in the blank with a million possibilities, most of them more profound than becoming a movie star. "So I made a very conscious decision to be fearless, to live a life of fear-freeness. I decided to do something every day I was afraid of." Like?

"I swam with sharks," he says, recounting a scuba trip off California's southern coast. "I was terrified of sharks and I'm still terrified of sharks, but at least I was taking action--and not being squelched by something I don't know about."

It's pretty brilliant strategy for becoming a better actor if you ask me, although apparently the idea is nothing new:

Do one thing every day that scares you.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

It seems, that if one wants to play a character on the edge of madness, you must expand your threshold for risk. So I have unofficially undertaken the project of consciously doing things that scare me. I'll be cataloging this risk taking under the "Something Scary" tag.

#21 & #22: Acting and the Edge of Madness

Creation #22: A Rumination
An actor friend of mine often rails against what he calls "safe" actors. A safe actor is one who does a lot of homework, has a pretty clear sense of how the scene should go, and delivers a consistent totally usable performance. When thrown into a scene with little time to prepare, they deliver a very restrained performance. In my mind being a safe actor isn't a horrible thing, Harrison Ford once said that on days where he doesn't feel in it, he does "as little as possible," capitalizing on the Kuleshov Effect.

Then there are the... bold actors? The unpredictable? The risk-takers. The dynamic, charismatic, cornered animals of the acting world. When I think about my favorite film-acting performances, they came from risk-taking actors, often early in their careers. Some Examples:

Robert De Niro in "Taxi Driver"

Daniel Day Lewis in "There Will Be Blood"

Dustin Hoffman in "Midnight Cowboy" or "The Graduate"

Heath Ledger in "The Dark Knight"

If there's one thing I most enjoy about these performances, it's the sense that in the next moment anything could happen. These are actors existing on, what at least appears to be: the edge of madness. And if you hear anything about their process, you wouldn't be faulted for thinking that at times they've tipped over the edge.

If you look at recent efforts from De Niro and Hoffman, it seems that at some point they lost their edge. Their performances are still charismatic and enjoyable, but they no longer seem wholly unpredictable. Comparing early interviews with more recent ones, they also appear to have mellowed as people. I'd much rather have a beer with De Niro in his 60's than De Niro in his 20's.

The question, at least for myself is: Is is possible to lead a safe, happy, sane, restrained, pleasant life and still turn in a compelling performance that hints at a life on the edge?

Creation #21: A (Micro) Adventure

Okay, while not technically a creation, I feel like it counts as my homework for the day as it explores the question posed above. This was a recent status update "In a possibly ongoing experiment in risking rejection I asked a stranger out to coffee. 30sec of conversation later, I desperately wished the person had refused."

Yes, my version of living dangerously is asking someone on a totally innocuous coffee date. I get a similar jump in heart-rate when I write a strongly worded email that I never send. I suspect that if there is a correlation between an unpredictable life and an unpredictable performance, I've got a lot more growing to do.