How Modern Society Colors Our Sense of Self

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you've probably seen me mention TED a few times. It's like inspiration distilled and uploaded to the web. In the following video, Alain de Botton answers pretty directly the question from my last post: How do you define self-worth?

http://www.ted.com/talks/alain_de_botton_a_kinder_gentler_philosophy_of_success.html

In his lecture, Alain de Botton makes some excellent points:

• In a democratic capitalistic society, we believe that we live in a meritocracy. Thus, those who deserve to succeed: succeed. Those who deserve to fail: fail. Except, that isn't really true. Chance plays just a large a role in the extremes of success/failure as does hard work/sloth.
• In the modern secular world, God/The Universe is no longer at the center of our society. Our station in life is no longer determined by The Gods, but instead by our actions. Thus our perception is that success is entirely our own, and so is failure. If you are solely responsible for what occurs in your life, it can seem far more tempting to shitcan it when things go wrong.
• We have lost our empathy for the unsuccessful. If they are unsuccessful, they must have deserved it. But read any tragic play and see that a hero, who is a good person and makes reasonable choices, still finds his/her life devolve into an utter pit of despair. Tragedies are important because they remind us of our humanity.

Whether my three summary points get this across or fail miserably (as I suspect), it's actually an optimistic and inspiring talk. Perspective is key to understanding. If you've got the time, it's worth watching.

How Do You Define Your Self Worth?

In the midst of an existential crisis, I asked a friend: Where does your sense of self-worth come from? He replied:

"I find my sense of self-worth is connected to whether I am fulfilling my purpose."

For better or worse, I feel like I measure my ego against the same philosphical yardstick.

Most actors have a strong sense of purpose related to their craft, but all too often they feel helpless to serve that purpose. They desperately want to act but often have no opportunity to do so - they aren't being cast, or they aren't getting called in, or they aren't being submitted, or they don't have an agent, and so on. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness.

I question the pertinency of these feelings. In response to my queries they give me the silent treatment and settle in for a good long stay. Since the doubts still come whether they're reasonable or not - do what you can to ease them. Whenever you can, however you can, cultivate opportunities to serve your purpose.

What is your purpose? Are you serving that purpose?

While these questions shouldn't necessarily be the bedrock of your self-esteem, knowing the answers can help you identify that feeling that gnaws at you and keeps you up nights.

Mantras, The Secret, The Pull and The Push.

It seems that every generation a fad sweeps through the Los Angeles acting community promising to deliver its believers from anonymity and into stardom. Actors seem especially succeptible to these memes. Perhaps it's because they believe in the imaginary for a living ("I'm MacBeth!") and cling to the thought that they will be the exceptional actor that succeeds lest they collapse into a quivering mess in response to the futility of it all.

In the 80's the fad was having a mantra. There was a belief that if you chanted "I am famous, I am famous, I am famous," it was impossible for you not to become famous. This was cleverly captured by Woody Allen in "Annie Hall." In a scene at a Hollywood party, Jeff Goldblum's character is on the phone and clearly distraught "I forgot my mantra!"

This generation's version of this phenomenon is something called The Secret. The thought being, that if you think long and hard about what you want, you will get it. Lambourghini? Yours if you just think about it. The Universe, you see, is duty bound to deliver one to you. Just be careful how you think about it, because that Lambourghini may be "attracted" into your life in the form of a head-on collision.

There is some good to mantras and The Secret. Thinking about what you want to achieve is the first step in getting there. Concentrating on your goals can help you break the icy paralysis that is self-doubt. The failure of both philosophies (at least as they are commonly practiced) is that they remove the need for personal action: all responsibility is placed in the hands of "The Universe". Left unchecked, these philosophies can lead to a self-righteous narcissism and sense of entitlement that is despicable; an attitude that pervades much of Los Angeles and serves as justification for NorCal's general distrust of all things SoCal.

An actor turned casting director I met once said:

"I had the pull to be an actor, but I discovered I didn't have the push. Once I figured that out, I got into casting."

That phrase really stuck with me. It's not enough to have a desire to be successful. Anyone can want to be a successful actor. The "pull" is the easy part. Where most people find themselves lacking is in the "push" column.

Do you have the strength of purpose and drive to do more than just give it "the good ol' junior college try?"

I know that I have the pull, but I vascillate daily on whether I think I have the push. Am I actually working as hard as I need to to get what I want? Or am I the moral equivalent of a sucker sitting alone in sweatpants mumbling "I am famous, I am famous, I am famous..."

If At First You Don't Succeed Fail Fail Again

If you've taken a drawing course at some point in your life you've probably heard the phrase:

"As an artist you have 10,000 bad drawings given to you at birth. Now spend your lifetime getting them out"

The same applies to acting: you have to spend a lot of time working on your craft before you're going to be particularly good at it. It's not necessarily about how many years you've been doing it, but how many total hours you log.

If you listen to just about any successful stand up comedian describe how they got their start, it goes something like this.

"I was a funny guy, my friends laughed at my jokes, so I thought 'Maybe I can be a standup.' I wrote a five minute set and I did an open mike. I bombed. Not a laugh in the house. People actually booed me off the stage. I was totally and utterly traumatized. I didn't leave my room for a week.

But I must have been a glutton for punishment because I worked up the courage and came back the next month. I bombed again. I reworked my material and came back the week after that, and I bombed. The week after that, I bombed. I kept coming back every week, and I kept bombing. It wasn't until my 20th show that I got one good laugh, and it wasn't until my 100th that I could hold the audience for my full 5-minute set.

Finally, I got booked at a comedy club for a 10 minute set, and I said 'Oh shit, I've only got 5 good minutes of material.' So I did the comedy club, and I bombed there too. Eventually I found some success, but it was hard won"

I think the lesson here is that you have to work through the bad acting, and the feelings of failure, and not being good enough before you can find any success. There's no shortcut, you just have to keep banging your head against the wall until the wall starts to give way. So if you've been avoiding auditions because you feel you aren't good enough, find the acting-equivalent of an open mic and start bombing, feel the fear but do it anyway.

How To Be Okay With Not Doing Everything

You want to do the following:

• Be great at your craft
• Be there for all of your friends in their time of need
• Be spontaneous and fun
• Earn a good living
• Own a home
• Stay up to date on all the current news
• Walk the dog
• Act
• Dance
• Sing
• Play the Ukulele
• Always be understanding
• Sleep 8+ hours a day
• Eat Right
• Exercise Regularly
• Read the great books
• Write a novel
• Inspire students
• Leave the world a better place
• Be a good girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife
• See theater
• Travel
• Be a good parent

It seems like it's possible. So you're trying to do it all right now... and you're failing miserably.

The thing is, you don't have to do it all right now. Life is long enough that you'll get to take a solid crack at most of those things on your list.

An Anecdote:

For her entire adult life, my paternal grandmother talked about wanting to read books for pleasure. But as a wife, mother, small-business-owner, association president, and caring friend she'd find herself too tired at the end of the day to do anything other than turn on the TV as she fell asleep.

A couple years ago, she moved from an assisted living community to a nursing home. Her husband and most of her friends were dead. Her children were grown and her grandchildren were scattered about the country. She was in a very dark place and I was afraid we were losing her.

Some time, a few months back my father gave her a book, "Chicken Soup For The Soul." For want of company and anything else to do, she began to read. A few days later, she asked for more books.

When I visit her now, her chest-of-drawers overflows with books. Dozens, most of them she's read twice or more ("Chicken Soup" and "Marley & Me" are among her favorites). Despite her surroundings she has reclaimed her joie de vivre.

So don't beat yourself up for giving up the rock band for the picket fence. Right now other things are probably more important. But who knows, you might get a second shot, this could be you someday...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZ4SIe5rVUM

Has LA Changed You? Or: Remembering Your Passions

Have you ever gone through your life, business as usual, only to have something shovel-smack you in the face and remind you that you have neglected what once was an important part of yourself?

This video, of a Camp Jitterbug Jump Session, did just that:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcsyUhZgcps

When I was living in the Bay Area, swing and blues dancing was an essential part of my life. I'd go out dancing 1 - 4 times a week. I'd practice steps at home. I even taught swing dancing as a Choice Day elective at East Bay Arts, hoping to spread some of the joy.

Then I moved to Los Angeles, and I stopped dancing. I went out a couple times, but it just wasn't the same. My friends weren't there, I'd have to drive too far, and alone. It didn't seem worth the effort. So I stopped trying.

Knowing my birthday was fast approaching, and unaware of my distance from dancing, a dear friend in the Bay Area plotted a gift. Despite an incredibly busy schedule, she started taking lindy hop classes so that we might spend more time together in my favorite environment: the dance hall. On the week of my birthday, I came up to visit her and my other friends. She took me out dancing. I was hesitant at first (Would I be any good, being so out of practice?), but eventually I gave in a had a fantastic evening. It was quite possibly the best gift I had ever received.

But a return to LA, meant a return to dancing apathy. When my friend would come to visit, she would propose an evening of swing dancing, but I never had the heart for it. "The drive's too long." "Eh, doesn't sound like fun." "I'm tired, how about we catch a movie?" I had become apathetic about something I truly loved, I let the city beat me into submission. In so doing, I failed myself, and I failed my friend.

I'm sometimes asked: Has LA changed you? To which I reply, "No I don't think so, I think I've done a pretty good job of holding on to who I am." Seeing this video, knowing I've neglected a part of myself and afraid I've hurt a very giving friend, I'm not so sure.

The Nature of Priorities

My friend and productivity buddy Ms. Moot emailed me this quote:

"You eventually learn that true priorities are like arms; if you think you have more than a couple, you're either lying or crazy."

I'm not sure who originally wrote it, but it certainly rings true.

What is a priority in your life? You say it's A, but why do X, Y, & Z always take precedence? A is not a priority in your life until it is what you do before X, Y, & Z. In fact, if it truly was a priority, you wouldn't think to do X, Y, & Z.

Wait! Before you go tearing your whole life apart to make A your priority, take stock of where your focus currently lies. If, when given the choice between working on your business (your "priority") and spending time with friends, you always opt to spend time with friends -- Perhaps friendship should be your "priority". It'll come a lot easier, you'll save yourself the mental anguish of "failing to meet your goals". In fact, I suspect you'll be a lot happier for it.

Character Is Up For Interpretation - And That's Okay

When I'm preparing a role, I often find myself struggling to make decisions about my character. I'm terrified of making a choice - "what if it's wrong?!" I have a strong need to be right. That need is a holdover from my elementary school days where there always was a correct answer, and by finding it I would be rewarded in gold stars and verbal praise. The days of gold stars are over, the real world is a lot more muddled and what is correct is up for debate and interpretation.

This is intimidating. But if you turn it on its ear, there is something wonderful as well. You can't craft a character that is universally right, abstractly correct. So don't try. Find the skeleton of the character in the text and then apply parts of yourself until a whole person is formed.

Visual artists don't seem to have these same hang-ups. Look at all of these interpretations of characters from "Where The Wild Things Are". They are all quite different, but they also succeed in conveying the essence of the characters while also expressing what is unique about their illustrators:

All of the above images were found at TerribleYellowEyes.com a website dedicated to honoring Maurice Sendak's wonderful characters.

An Actor's Professional Obligation

As an actor your professional obligation is to play your part in such a way that the story is told. The audience is not paying to see you act, they are paying to be told a story. There is no obligation for you to feel anything.

It is okay to play at an emotion instead of feel it. Does it make the experience richer if you are actually feeling what the character is feeling? Yes. But there is no obligation.

Just tell the story folks.

When you remove the pressure of needing to feel, it actually makes it easier for that process to occur.

Are You Ready To Audition?

To provide a counterpoint to my last post (and an uncomfortably intimate view of the debates that rage in my head), let me introduce a harsh check:

Are you an aspiring actor who feels like you should be getting cast more? Have you ever stopped to ask whether you deserve to be cast more? To find out, do the following:

1. Pick out an actor whose career you would like to emulate.
2. Search for their name on IMDB.
3. Go to their earliest entry as an actor.
4. Rent a copy of that film or television episode.
5. Watch it.
6. Ask yourself: Can you, given an evening's preparation, deliver a performance as good or better?

If you answered "Yes," then you're ready. Go out and audition, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You're just starting out, folks get that.

If you answered "No," then you're not ready. A film or tv show takes a significant financial risk every time it casts an unknown actor. If you can't deliver an entry-level professional performance then you don't deserve to be cast. Sorry.

But wait, there's hope. Take that same actor and read their IMDB biography. You'll probably find that they did theater for 10 years before being cast in that first role. If you haven't put in that much time doing theater you might still reach the same level of competence given time and effort.

Here's my homework:

Actor: Keanu Reeves

First Film: One Step Away (1985)

Could I do as well?: Yes. I think so.

Which means: I'm good enough to be auditioning for supporting roles in films with < $1 million budgets.

The Evidence:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LItH17PuXSo

Why Too Much Knowlege Can Be A Bad Thing

I came to Los Angeles a confident actor. I had just finished playing the lead in a one act play. I had consulted with all of my actor friends who had taken a swing at LA and thus was assured I wouldn't make the same mistakes. I was in great shape and had a certain pep in my step that only new love can bring. I felt like a pretty big fish in a small pond.

When I got to LA, I hit the ground running. I started my agent search. Self-submitted for roles. Auditioned all the time, and even got cast in a few shorts. On some of those shorts, I felt like I was slumming it.

To look back at it now, I was an ignorant ass.

I now fully appreciate just how big a pond LA is and just how small a fish I am. I am riddled with doubts about my abilities as a performer. I understand how important a first impression with a Casting Director is, and I have no intention of blowing it. As a result, I'm not submitting myself for roles. I'm not actively seeking an agent. I am floating. Worse, I have become the thing I most despise: the class & coffee shop actor. I have strong opinions, beliefs, and theories but rarely exercise them outside of conversations with friends.

I just had such a conversation with my extremely talented buddy JP. It served as something of a reality check:

Yes, I'm a small fish in a big pond. BUT, I was an even smaller fish when I first arrived in town and I actively sought and got work. I am a much better actor now than I was two years ago, and by all rights I should be pounding the pavement. If I'm not ready enough to begin now, I never will be.

Which all reminds me of what I believe to be a Los Angeles truism:

A bad actor with confidence in his/her abilities will book more work than a good actor with poor confidence in his/her abilities.

Oh to maintain the joys of ignorance whilst enjoying the benefits of wisdom!

How To Lose With a Winning Hand

Since moving to LA I've started doing something I haven't done since I was a small child - playing poker. Things are a little different since I took up the game as a six year old in the green room the high school theater. For one, I've started playing for money. Not much, no more than $10 a night, but enough for it to feel like proper gambling.

The problem is, I know as little about the game now as I did then. My strategy basically breaks down to: hold onto any face cards I may have and go all in if I see any cards on the table that match. I have yet to win a game of poker.

Tonight, I was quite impressed by just how bad a player I am. We were playing Texas Hold 'Em. I had a five and a king. On the table were three other fives. The betting was getting pretty intense. All cards had been revealed, but the bets were still going up. I looked at my cards, and looked at the cards on the table. The best hand the other players could have had was a full house. I only had four 5s. Given the tenor of the bets, I knew someone had the full house. As the full house would beat my four-of-a-kind, I folded.

The only problem is: Four of a Kind beats a Full House!!!

I didn't know this at the time, if I had, I would have gone all in. I managed to claw defeat from the jaws of victory.

The moral of the story: before you start gambling where something real is at stake (money, job, relationship, etc) - make sure you know what winning looks like. If you don't, you might fail to see that success is within your grasp, give up, and lose everything.

Alternate moral of the story: ensure that every game of poker you play is worth the amount you are betting in entertainment value alone. More likely than not you'll lose, so be okay with that.

Moral #3: If you want an easy 10 bucks, challenge me to a friendly poker game.

Is Effortless Acting Better Acting?

I am slowly concluding that no amount of effort whilst acting will make me a better actor. That effort, in the act of performance, is antithetical to good acting. Examples:

• Actors who are trying to be funny rarely are.
• Actors who attempt to broadcast (vs share) their love just look creepy, and make their lovers look like fools.
• Grandiose physical intimidation is rarely scary while subdued verbal intimidation is often terrifying.
• Ever watched a soap opera?

The thought that acting can be effortless is still difficult to reconcile, but I'm coming around to it. That said, there is still work to be done in preparing for performance, but once in performance it's a process of letting go, listening, and responding as the impulse to communicate occurs.

Can you think of any examples where the aphorism "never let 'em see you sweat" doesn't ring true?

The Lifelong Goal of an Actor

While there are many reasons for becoming an actor, perhaps the best reason to continue acting is that it sets you on a path of greater self-knowledge and understanding of the world.

As a student, I was used to getting good grades without really trying. My intro to acting class at UC Santa Cruz was the first class that left me feeling totally clueless. Finally, I found I was genuinely bad at something. I couldn't stand that, so I kept at it. You could say the reason I got into acting was pride.

But pride is a terrible reason to keep doing something. Especially when doing that thing means foresaking financial stability.

So why act? Why keep it up?

Along the way, I discovered that the promise of acting is not that I will someday master it, but the knowlege that I never will. The artistic ideal of an actor is to be able to walk a mile in the shoes of every person who has ever lived on this planet. An impossible goal, but one that promises infinite discovery of self and others.

Why It's Okay Not To Be Right For a Part

A father saying about his daughter to her agent, "At this age, I don't think she has the emotional depth to play a kidnapping victim."

The agent in response, "That's a good thing, right?"

The father, "I'm glad you think so."

So all you actors out there, should you really be upset that you weren't cast as the one-eyed prostitute with a crack addiction and a heart of gold? You won't be able to play every part that you're the right age and height for, and that's okay.

Pinching Pennies: Washing My Car

This is the first in what will likely become a series of posts describing how I'm trying to minimize my expenses amid the recession.

So, I know this isn't world-shattering news, but I washed my car. The car that had gotten so dirty I couldn't drive at sunset because the glare made it impossible to see. The car that would have been towed from the all-too-nice neighborhood it is parked in. It was not parked there because I live in the nice neighborhood, but because the nice neighborhood which is a 10 min walk from my apartment is the only place that doesn't have time-restricted parking.

COST
$3 To figure out how to use the car wash and spray the high-pressure suds.
$3 To restart the bubbly soap brush after it died without a warning beep.
$1 To frantically run around my car trying to rinse off all soap while my 15 remaining seconds counted down to goose eggs.

I could have spent the same $7 and gone to a 1,000 Illegal Aliens Car Wash. They would have done a better job and I wouldn't still have dirty carpets.

But next time, I'll get it all done in $3; $4 at the most.

Surviving the recession, $3 future potential savings at a time.