I came to Los Angeles a confident actor. I had just finished playing the lead in a one act play. I had consulted with all of my actor friends who had taken a swing at LA and thus was assured I wouldn't make the same mistakes. I was in great shape and had a certain pep in my step that only new love can bring. I felt like a pretty big fish in a small pond.
When I got to LA, I hit the ground running. I started my agent search. Self-submitted for roles. Auditioned all the time, and even got cast in a few shorts. On some of those shorts, I felt like I was slumming it.
To look back at it now, I was an ignorant ass.
I now fully appreciate just how big a pond LA is and just how small a fish I am. I am riddled with doubts about my abilities as a performer. I understand how important a first impression with a Casting Director is, and I have no intention of blowing it. As a result, I'm not submitting myself for roles. I'm not actively seeking an agent. I am floating. Worse, I have become the thing I most despise: the class & coffee shop actor. I have strong opinions, beliefs, and theories but rarely exercise them outside of conversations with friends.
Yes, I'm a small fish in a big pond. BUT, I was an even smaller fish when I first arrived in town and I actively sought and got work. I am a much better actor now than I was two years ago, and by all rights I should be pounding the pavement. If I'm not ready enough to begin now, I never will be.
Which all reminds me of what I believe to be a Los Angeles truism:
A bad actor with confidence in his/her abilities will book more work than a good actor with poor confidence in his/her abilities.
Oh to maintain the joys of ignorance whilst enjoying the benefits of wisdom!
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