Near Panic Attack Over Sitting Up Straight - Really? REALLY?

A few weeks ago I nearly had a panic attack during acting class because I was asked to sit up straight. Ok, it was a little more complicated than that, but somaticaly good posture is all that was requested.

Why was it so upsetting? What did that sitting up business represent?

Many of the introductory games in improv classes deal with status. My favorite involves the ultimate status competition: The High School Reunion. Everyone is dealt a card which sight unseen they place facing out on their foreheads. The players then begin to interact with each other based on the face value of the cards they see on other folks foreheads. Aces attract large crowds of admirers, while 2's and 3's end up as wall flowers along the periphery. Not unlike life.

From an audience perspective the most fun occurs when a character perceives their status to be significantly higher or lower than what is specified on their card. They move through life in a state of confusion, no one behaves in the manner they expect.

At some point in my life, I decided that the best way to attract women was to have a fantastic set of neuroses and insecurities. Women want projects and gosh darnit I was going to be a fixer upper. It seemed to work well for Woodie Allen in his films, so how could it go wrong for me? In my mind's eye I'm a 35ish, underweight, balding, funny-looking Jewish guy with poor eye-sight. In that improv game, I'm a 3 or a 4 of clubs taking cheap shots at the prom king from the sidelines.

I go through a lot of my life as that man, with all the emotional walls, bad posture, self-deprecating jokes, and accompanying existential crises. I even managed to attract a number of fantastic girlfriends (all of whom needed glasses and I imagine resented my glasses envy) - so the plan can't be wholly flawed.

So why a panic attack about sitting up straight? Asking me to sit up straight was asking me to look at the card on my forehead and live up to it. I was being asked to own all six feet of my height, all 20/20 of my vision, and worst of all - 100% of my opinions. As a self-perceived slouching outsider, it was easy - you can say anything you want without fear of conflict if your opinion isn't worth anything.

For better or worse the card I've been dealt lands somewhere closer to an Ace than a Deuce. That's what the camera sees, that's what casting sees, and that's what I'll be asked to play. It's about time I sat up straight and played my hand.