The Key To Productivity: Hate Your Work

I've only got 3 months until my August 1st, 2010 acting in Los Angeles "deadline". Realizing this, I entered a panic about what I have be doing with my time, and how I can maximize my remaining 3 months. I called up an old friend and lamented my slackerdom, begging for an explanation of how she avoids the siren song of the internet and instead burns the candle at both ends for months at a stretch. I've taken some liberties and translated her response into a credo of sorts:

Play your inner critic on full-blast. Allow yourself to believe that you're not good enough, that you're not doing enough, that you're falling behind. Live in a constant state of terror that everything you are doing will be laughed at and denigrated unless you work harder.

Given her laundry list of accomplishments, I knew it was an effective technique. But it was upsetting to think a person would do that to themselves. I didn't know if had it in me to live that way for the next 3 months.

So, for a different perspective, I called my productivity buddy Ilana and whined about my looming deadline and lack of work ethic. She cautioned me, saying "You can't set deadlines for success in an acting career, you don't deal those cards." To which I replied, "I know, I just don't feel like I'm working hard enough, and what I'm doing isn't good enough, I'm only:

• Attending weekly classes with Richard Seyd.
• Attending bi-monthly workshops at The Winner's Circle.
• Keeping up my improv chops at bi-monthly Groundlings classes.
• Going to 2+ Casting Director workshops each month.
• Co-Producing and Directing a short film that shoots in one week.
• Filming scenes from Donovan And The Vast Ancient Conspiracy.
• Rehearsing for and acting in a staged reading of a new play.
• Meeting bi-weekly for 3+hrs to write a screenplay for a feature film with my buddy Zak.
• Writing comedic monologues.
• Taking weekly voice lessons.
• Spending 30min/day 5 days a wk on craft (lines, cold reading practice, etc).
• Spending 30min/day 5 days a wk on marketing (mailers, thank you cards, submissions)."

And then I thought: Wait... that's actually a lot.

And then painfully I realized: That incredibly self-critical way of being that I wouldn't wish upon anyone... apparently I'm already living it, and have been for some time. I had no sense of how much I was doing because I was so good at telling myself it wasn't enough.

Self-criticism is a dangerously effective motivational tool, it can drive us to do superhuman amounts of work at our highest standard. However, it comes at a price: no matter how much we do, no matter how good our work, we'll never be able to fully appreciate our accomplishments; least of all while we're working towards them.