So as not to bury the lead: I give up. I quit. I'm done.
I moved to Los Angeles Aug 2007 with one goal: To earn my living as an actor in mainstream film & television.
That was over three and a half years ago. Here's a progress report:
# of paid speaking parts in SAG or AFTRA productions: 0
# of broadcast TV auditions: 0
# of non-ultra-low-budget SAG film auditions: 0
# of union commercial auditions: 0
# of voice over auditions: 0
# of paid theater auditions: 0
# of theatrical agents: 0
# of commercial agents: 0
# of print agents: 0
# of voice over auditions: 0
# of managers: 1
# of current managers: 0
Also, as I just did my taxes, here are some more numbers for you:
Amount I earned as an actor last year: $0
Amount I spent on acting-related expenses last year: $5,075
They say that 30:1 is a pretty good audition to booking ratio. Well, at this rate I should book my first mainstream gig sometime after never.
I came to LA saying to my friends "You don't have to worry about me selling out, I'm pre-sold, I'll act in anything so long as it pays." It's one thing to be a girl who doesn't have a boyfriend because her standards are too high, it's another thing entirely to be a bargain basement hooker who in three years of trying has never found a single John. What little pride I have is, not just wounded but, eviscerated and laying in a bloody heap in the dirt.
I have come to the following conclusions:
I am probably not a good actor; I am definitely not an exceptionally good actor. I don't have the internal drive or strength of belief-in-self necessary to successfully market myself as an actor. I don't have "it".
Worst of all: whatever enjoyment I once took from acting, left me months ago. I've become pessimistic, embittered, and a toxic influence on my acting peers. It breaks my heart.
So it is for my sake, and the sakes of those around me that I admit defeat and relinquish my goal of being a professional actor. It's been a great ride. I've made some incredible friends and had some unforgettable experiences (I traveled the world!), but I'm just not strong enough to continue. God bless those of you who are. Thank you for your support and for following me on this journey.
With love and admiration,
Donovan Keith
February 2011
Note: I reserve the right to act for fun and friends, and even money if it comes, but I'm no longer pursuing it as a career.
6 comments:
We love you so very much, Donovan! I wish I could hop on a plane to the West Coast right now, just so I can give you a hug & buy you a cuppa.
XOXO from both Jonny & I.
Um... ouch... I know I'm commenting late, but I just ran across this comment, and I'm sorry to hear about this. I wish you the best in whatever you choose to do after this, though.
So, hypothetically, though, if one of my pie-in-the-sky projects actually comes to fruition and I'm in a position to make (and cast) a movie of my own, would you be interested in a part? (Or are you leaving L.A.... you didn't mention whether you were staying in the area...)
Anyway, again, whatever you choose to do, hope it goes well for you.
@MissTrixi - Thanks for the support!
@ReadMcG - In the not-so-hypothetical future where you get one of your projects off the ground: I'm totally interested. While the SF Bay Area continues to make a pretty compelling case for itself, I will continue to live in LA. You just can't beat the weather, and I have more friends in walking distance than I've had since I was a kid.
Well I don't know about your acting but I really enjoy your writing. Maybe you can use that gift to get you in the door and then parlay that into acting.
Thanks for this raw, vulnerable post. Feeling a bit the same tonight (although I have definitely not put myself out there the way you have!) and I know how tough it is to confront the idea that you may just not be very good. Best wishes for you in the future, and I hope you find that joy again.
Hi Kate,
Thank you for your kind words! This post was written a little over two years ago and I must say that I am quite happy now. My shift from acting to animation has proven a positive one. While starting an acting career always felt like a series of traffic jams and red lights, it's been nothing but empty freeways and timed green lights in the animation world. Similarly I'm not plagued with doubts about my abilities, I'm not sure that I'm a better animator than I am an actor, but regular financial compensation has a way of assuaging doubts about one's worth as an artist.
Best of luck in your pursuits!
-Donovan
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