Does acting always come first?

One of my goals with this blog is to show the joys and complications of pursuing acting as a career. Until now, I've emphasized my successes and career progress, but I've done little to illuminate my internal landscape. Perhaps mostly out of the superstition that if I write down my fears they will become real.

Lately, I've been forced to ask myself the question: Do I want to pursue this career with a singularity of purpose so intense that I will have no reason for not "making it"? Or do I want to pursue my career in a less focused way that allows for me to be a whole person?

The story, as I've heard it, often goes: A happy young man is loved by his friends and family, and he loves them in return. One day this young man leaves home to pursue his dream of becoming an actor. He moves to Hollywood, and begins auditioning. He is not cast, and he is broke. He becomes cynical. He pursues only those friendships and relationships that will help his career. In the case of the exceptional young man, one of these relationships pans out and he lands a plum part. He returns home to celebrate his success, only to find that friends and family do not like the person he has become. The person he "needed" to become. His success feels empty. So he redoubles his efforts thinking that another, better, role will fix things, believing that success is the key to happiness. In the end the he is an old man: tired and alone.

That story scares me. I don't want for it to become my story, but there are times when I see it creeping into the fringes of my reality. Sometimes I feel guilty for seeing friends and family. I feel lazy for taking time away from my pursuit. I worry that on a day that I'm away – I'll miss the audition that will be my break. If I don't put everything into acting, how can I justify the move away from family and friends? But if all of my life is empty except for acting, how can I ever play a whole person on the screen? And more importantly, will I like the person I've become?

Life is a balancing act. The key is to find the right balance. Who are you? What are your core values? If all of your decisions are in line with your beliefs, you will have few regrets.

The problem with balance is that it requires compromise. You can't do everything nor be all people to everyone. With each thing you gain, you must also give something up. So what do I really want? What are my priorities? I have to say that acting is not what I value above all else in this life, and I'm okay with that. But I still intend on making one hell of a go at it!