In the midst of an existential crisis, I asked a friend: Where does your sense of self-worth come from? He replied:
For better or worse, I feel like I measure my ego against the same philosphical yardstick.
Most actors have a strong sense of purpose related to their craft, but all too often they feel helpless to serve that purpose. They desperately want to act but often have no opportunity to do so - they aren't being cast, or they aren't getting called in, or they aren't being submitted, or they don't have an agent, and so on. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness.
I question the pertinency of these feelings. In response to my queries they give me the silent treatment and settle in for a good long stay. Since the doubts still come whether they're reasonable or not - do what you can to ease them. Whenever you can, however you can, cultivate opportunities to serve your purpose.
What is your purpose? Are you serving that purpose?
While these questions shouldn't necessarily be the bedrock of your self-esteem, knowing the answers can help you identify that feeling that gnaws at you and keeps you up nights.
4 comments:
Ah, the age old question of what is/how to gain self worth.
This strikes me as a very cause-and -effect-centric answer that I fall prey to sometimes.
Instead of elucidating this point, I would ask a different and equally perplexing question:
"Why do you define (and thus limit) your self worth?"
It is noble and lofty to attach your self worth to a "purpose." Yet, if you can't fulfill that purpose (and often purpose is created towards the achievement of a goal), then does it mean you aren't worth anything? I don't think so.
In my experience value is like love - you have endless capacity for it, and have the ability to feel it no matter what circumstance you're in and towards anything.
The question of "how" is exactly what's driven me to run an increasingly fast treadmill of "purposeful excellence" for many many years. Once the treadmill is going so fast, jumping off becomes difficult without a massive ego hit or outright destruction.
Perhaps then the answer is to define your purpose in a way that transcends your life circumstance, such as "My purpose is to live in joy." Or maybe the answer is to leave self value as an undefined constant.
What do you think?
Christopher, I can always count on your for a thoughtful response.
I feel like questions of self-worth are part of my animal self. Chickens have to know the pecking order. I have to know where we stand in relation to others - whether its rational or not.
I think that attaching your self worth to any one criteria is a dangerous thing, even if that goal is to "live in joy." Because then if you've got a month without joy, offing yourself seems like a reasonable course (Suicide rates in post-industrialized secular society are astronomically high).
So, how do we define worth:
-Career (too often the only metric)
-Friendships
-Relationships
-Family
-Expression
-Helping Others
-Expectation of permanence (Alexander the Great is still talked about, etc)
I don't know. There's a lot going on there.
Thanks for asking the questions and keeping the conversation going.
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